Does Jesus permit divorced couples to remarry? A reflection on the sayings of Paul and Jesus suggest Jesus condemned the common Jewish practice of sending their spouse away without formally divorcing her.
I’ve heard going through a divorce can be one of the most difficult challenges emotionally. Not only are you loosing your spouse in perhaps bitter circumstances, but you also face the judging thoughts of many Christians.
Jesus says something odd about people who’ve divorced and I’m sure many of us have had questions about it:
Matthew 5:31 “It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
What could Jesus have meant by this? Did it mean that once a person divorces he/she is not permitted to marry again? Or that if you want to marry someone, you shouldn’t if that person was previously divorced? I don’t know any of us who would condemn a Christian from remarrying after a divorce. Afterall, what if a someone was abused by their previous spouse and had to leave them for their safety? Would any of us have the heart to condemn them to a life of singleness if they wanted to marry again? This seems to be one of those sayings that we simply cannot take seriously culturally because of the impractically of it.
However, with some additional study we may realize that Jesus’s words were not as straightforward as we assumed.
American Standard Version “It was said also, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: but I say unto you, that every one that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her when she is put away committeth adultery.”
In the Jewish Talmud was written a law that prevented Jewish men from divorcing their wives too easily. When they divorced, they were required to pay back a “ketubah” which is essentially like an alimony for that wife’s care and provision while she was divorced.
In Jesus’s day, there was a common practice among Jewish men that couldn’t or didn’t want to pay back that alimony: They would informally separate from their wives and kick them out on the streets and out of their care. The husband would not formally divorce her so he didn’t have to pay back that alimony.
In God’s eyes, this couple was still considered married. This put the woman in a desperate situation. She often did not have the means to provide for herself, her current husband had withheld her support, and because he never formally divorced her, she could not remarry to find someone else who would support her.
Jesus was condemning this practice.
The word used for divorce, apoluó, here is not the formal word for divorce, but primarily means “send away.” The man would send away his wife without divorcing her. In essence, Jesus was not saying a divorced woman cannot remarry, he was saying that if the husband wanted to separate from his wife then he should legally divorce her so she could remarry.
Let’s look at 1 Corinthians 7
Young’s Literal Translation – and to the married I announce — not I, but the Lord — let not a wife separate from a husband: but and if she may separate, let her remain unmarried, or to the husband let her be reconciled, and let not a husband send away a wife. And to the rest I speak — not the Lord — if any brother hath a wife unbelieving, and she is pleased to dwell with him, let him not send her away; and a woman who hath a husband unbelieving, and he is pleased to dwell with her, let her not send him away; for the unbelieving husband hath been sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife hath been sanctified in the husband; otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. And, if the unbelieving doth separate himself — let him separate himself: the brother or the sister is not under servitude in such cases, and in peace hath God called us;
This passage in the Young’s Literal Translation is more accurate to the greek. Notice again the words being used, this is not talking about formal divorce, but informal separation, such as two spouses living apart.
Paul is saying, if a married couple decides to separate (not a formal divorce), they shouldn’t marry another. Let them either remain separated or be reconciled to each other.
In Paul’s own opinion he says, if you have an unbelieving spouse who is willing to live with you, then you should not separate because God “sanctifies” that marriage because of the believer’s faith and because the unbeliever is willing to tolerate you. But if the unbelieving partner wants to separate (without formal divorce) the Christian partner, you are not “under servitude” to formally divorce them in such cases.
Paul is addressing a common problem in that day. Christianity was a very controversial subject among Jews and Gentiles. Often the wife after having been married would become a Christian but the husband would not follow suit. The man, being unwilling to tolerate her beliefs would separate from her but not formally divorce her so he wouldn’t have to pay her alimony. What were these Christian women to do? Because of their husband’s rejection of them, the husband would be unwilling to formally divorce her and pay the alimony which meant the unbelieving woman could not remarry as long as she lived.
Paul gives relief. If the unbelieving partner informally separates from you and will not formally divorce you, God will not hold you accountable. You are not under “servitude,” that is, you are not required to be legally divorced and if you remarry God will not count that as adultery.
2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Deuteronomy 7:3-4 Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, 4 for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.
Exodus 34:16 And when you choose some of their daughters as wives for your sons and those daughters prostitute themselves to their gods, they will lead your sons to do the same.
Ezra 10:10-11 And Ezra the priest stood up, and said unto them, Ye have trespassed, and have married foreign women, to increase the guilt of Israel. 11 Now therefore make confession unto Jehovah, the God of your fathers, and do his pleasure; and separate yourselves from the peoples of the land, and from the foreign women.
In Ezra 10, God required them to separate from their wives and did not specifically require a formal divorce. This is because they were not supposed to be married to them in the first place and the marriage was unrecognized by God even though it was legal. So God, didn’t require them to legally divorce.
In the same way, Paul was saying if you’re unbelieving partner kicks you out on the streets without giving you the courtesy of a formal divorce you are free to remarry without committing adultery. But, if your unbelieving partner is willing to tolerate you, then that marriage is valid before God and has been “sanctified” by the believing spouse. In such a case, you are not sinning against God by being married to the unbeliever, after all, if the unbeliever is willing to tolerate your beliefs, there’s a chance you may in fact save them. But if the unbelieving partner does not want to be married because they cannot tolerate your beliefs, God counts that as a void marriage which does not require a formal divorce.
After studying this subject, this interpretation makes to the most sense to me, but I cannot guarantee this is what is saying. It is still a subject of research for me and I encourage you to research this topic on your own, especially if you struggle with guilt from remarrying another spouse.
Once again, it is God’s plan that a marriage last as long as the person lives and He does not encourage divorce to a kind and faithful partner lightly. However, if your spouse is abusive, knowing what the Bible says may give you the confidence you need to move on from that relationship. I hope God gives you peace in your relationship and helps to heal it or if it’s beyond recovery to end it in peace.
But you should know, I am a happily married man to a wonderful wife and believe we should fight through the difficult parts of our marriages in order to enjoy the wonderful parts. When you realize your partner will love and stick with you through the difficult parts, that grace helps the partners fall deeper in love with each other and makes for a more enjoyable marriage. You will not find a flawless marriage anywhere, everyone will have one flaw or another, but if you find a decent person and have the patience to work though the tough parts you’ll find marriage can be really wonderful and fun!